The Hard Things of Marriage Vows
I remember being so excited as I dressed for my wedding day. The long, white dress with a train attached (reminds me of Princess Diana’s train, but not quite as long), my dream dress, with pearls woven into the fabric, long puffy sleaves, a V-neck collar where a pearl necklace was carefully placed, the hem of the dress covering the tall white high heels with a poof reminding me of a hoop skirt of yesteryear. Flowers ever so beautiful, lined up along the path I will walk on toward my future husband, the veil carefully placed on a head full of bobby pins and sticky hairspray (perfectly done by someone else), nervous flutters of the heart wondering if my beloved was at the alter yet, what was he thinking and how the ceremony will go.
The vows, oh the vows! “Do you take Lori to be your beloved wife, to honor and cherish, for richer or poorer, through sickness and health, till death do you part? I do!” But did I really think about the vows, especially the hard ones and how can you apply them? Lets take a look at each of the vows:
To honor and cherish: For me, this is an easy one as I do honor and cherish my husband and he likewise. However, there have been times I questioned this vow, like do I respect him for a decision he has made? Do I still have the same feelings I had for him as I did on our wedding day? Well, the answer to the latter is “no.” My husband means the world to me, but I think after being married for a while you get used to the same person and sometimes take them for granted or even hurt them (not physically) and know they won’t just leave you for that. But they could. So this is a friendly reminder that no matter how long you have been married, whether it has been a month or 10 years, honor and cherish the spouse you married. They will change and so will you and it is okay. Honor and accept that! We can’t stay the same forever nor are we robots. Marriage to me is sacred and not everyone will get married. Be thankful for the spouse you have, keep God in your marriage and it may go well with you.
For richer or poorer: This is a dandy and do I sound old by saying “dandy!” I did not marry my husband because of his financial status and him likewise. We are basically middle income, never to be rich. But there have been times where we have struggled financially. I stayed home and took care of the kids for many years and homeschooled them. It was hard to live on one income!! We filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy due to bad business decisions we made together, walked away from a house, lost some retirement in a failed business adventure, and we are still together today. Not saying it was easy, but we went through it TOGETHER and that is the key. Not one person is rich or poor when it comes to marriage, it is BOTH.
Sickness or health: This is the first of two things I did not think of when saying our vows, in sickness or health. I was too excited to think of something bad that could happen, especially since I was still young and my husband was kind of young. When you are in good health and young, the last thing you think of is a serious sickness, maybe a cold or two, a flu, but nothing too serious like a prolong illness, an unexpected diagnosis or an accident that changes your lives forever. I went through a health crisis and my husband did his best to take care of me by continuing to provide for our family, helping me with chores and watching the kids when he was home. Then my husband went through a health crisis of his own and it was very scary. He has been the breadwinner for most of our marriage and the thought of losing him and going through financial difficulties was very stressful. Thankfully he pulled through, but you just never know when it is your turn! Realize that one or both of you will have a sickness or a serious health problem and it is important for you or your spouse to be there for each other, like my husband and
Till death do you part: This is the hardest one of the vows and something I bet you do not want to think about. Either do I. It is like I want my husband and I to be together forever and never part, as I love my husband and want our time together to be really long, fun, wonderful and full of joy. But unfortunately life does not work like that. Death is a part of our lives, everyone here on planet Earth. So my question to you is have you planned for the inevitable? Meaning your finances are in order, a will or a trust is done, medical checkups and any paperwork concerning that done? This is important, maybe not exciting as getting married, maybe a little morbid, but something that should be discussed with your partner. I pray that you and your partner will have a long and happy life together!
When you get married, or are already married, the marriage vows have a purpose: to help us realize the reality of marriage, what we can expect or have expected, and to remember them throughout your marriage. When you have a supporting spouse, the marriage vows can be helpful as you go through different stages in life, financial difficulties or riches, good health or sickness, honoring one another and the hardest one, till death do you part. You will have a blessed marriage if you follow the marriage vows as best as you can. It is okay to falter, I have many times. But, my husband and I have worked things out and I have relied on the marriage vows, feeling thankful for them as they are honoring to a marriage. Take another look at the marriage vows and the meanings above I have listed, and ask yourself if this is what you are doing within your marriage, or want to when you get married. You will not regret it!