An Endurance Of A Heart

Panting…panting…panting, as I was exercising one day. Panting is very common when you exercise, but I noticed it was slightly different. Running out of breath in the mountains easily was normal for me, but camping in the desert at such a low elevation - what was going on? I thought maybe I worked too hard, ran too much, too much of something, but it was daily. But something new started, and yet it was an old enemy that returned:

PANIC ATTACKS

Oh no, not again! Have you ever had a panic attack? It is absolutely no bueno! A horrid thing to go through, where, honestly, you feel like you are going to die. But you won’t, at least hopefully not. But this was only a start. A start of a new journey that I did not want to walk on, or even run on, or even be a part of. It was time to go through another valley, and yet I believed and hoped mountain tops were right around the corner, if you look for them and wait PATIENTLY. Sometimes God allows bad things to happen to each of us, for a purpose, even though I sometimes wonder if it pains God to see us go through it.

My chest had so much pain, like a tightness that went right through to my back. A very weird and painful situation. So I went to the ER not once but twice thinking I was having a heart attack. But, no, they could not find anything wrong. It was disheartening as I wanted a solution, a quick solution to this pain I was suffering through and get on with my life.

Yet, I was thinking there indeed was something wrong with my heart, but no one could find it. You know how frustrating it is when you know you have a problem, and yet no one can find it? Or even deny you have a problem? Shortness of breath and panic attacks were just the beginning. Maybe a warning from God to move me along a medical path?

I did question God, cried out to him, why me? Why me? I am fit, I exercise 4-5 days a week, I eat pretty good, but I do enjoy dark chocolate (grin, grin) and sometimes ice cream. That is my thorn: sweets! So there I was, testing, and more testing, even down right scary as I have never walked the path of these types of tests: an ultrasound of the heart and a nuclear stress test. Sounds peachy!

Once I found a cardiologist, he scheduled the tests far in advance, like I was not important to get worked on right away. I did not understand. So I counted the days to each of my tests, first the ultrasound of the heart which was a little painful. The gal was nice but she did put pressure on my chest as she moved the wand around taking lovely pictures of my heart, and I even got to hear it beat!

But the stress test, was I ever so scared! I think I rather go through childbirth again then this and I had 2 of my 3 kids born naturally - OUCH! When I was driving to the doctor’s office for the stress test, I prayed and cried as I was so scared and I was by myself. It is truly scary going through a test you have no information about, unless you watch YouTube and videos about stress tests and kind of get freaked out from them. I should not have watched those videos!

Arriving at the doctor’s office with weak knees and a sick feeling in my stomach, I waited to be called on, which was a short wait. “Lori!” they called and I quickly rose from my seat, trying to put my brave girl pants on and went to the room I was told to go in. But I was pleasantly surprised, if you can call being in a doctor’s office pleasant, that I would be on a treadmill for testing, not injected with fluid that would make my heart beat go fast. Yeah! That was what I was mostly afraid of: injected with something foreign and wondering if it would kill me or injure me.

I love the treadmill so had no problems with it, but that night I was in quite a bit of pain. Sometimes I wonder why I fight so hard to stay alive. Not to sound like I am pessimistic, but all the physical suffering I have had to go through, even from years past, I question why I fight so hard to stay alive. Is it really worth it? Won’t heaven be a FAR better place where there is no pain, suffering or anything bad?

Again, I played the waiting game, waiting for the results and this time my husband would be with me. That day came and went and you know what? My heart is in GREAT shape!! I could not believe it, with all the pain I have been through, plus the fact that heart disease runs in my family and there is a GOOD chance I could inherit it. But not this day. This day is for thankfulness, thankful God is looking out for me, not ready to take me to heaven yet.

Yet, I do have health problems my natural doctor is helping me with, mostly digestion and the ever present panic attacks. I never thought I would go back to having these same problems, but a little differently, and still here I am, with those problems working with vitamins, exercise, trying to get some decent sleep (that is very hard for me) and keeping my hope in God.

So you see, the endurance of a heart can be challenging, challenging with predicting, over-thinking possible problems, enduring things like testing and the ever present waiting game. But for God, I believe He gave each one of us a good dose of endurance, as life is a challenge, sometimes to overcome problems and sometimes to go through them. He gives us the strength to keep moving forward, even when we do not want to, maybe kicking and screaming, dragging our fingernails, into something solid, not wanting to go through what we have to, but we do with endurance and God with us every step of the way. He promised never to leave us nor forsake us and that is a promise you can take with you today, as you go through whatever challenge you are going through.

*Photos courtesy of our amazing drive on the Beartooth Highway in both Montana and Wyoming!